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  • Scott Carter Cooper

Selling a Gay Man

So, on Thanksgiving, as I was preparing the meal, the plumbing under my sink gave out. Completely. The drain pipe had been eaten through by drain cleaner. Water everywhere. There was nothing to do until after the holiday. Washing dishes and pots and pans in my bathtub was a delight I need never experience again.

I sent an email to my neighbor, who had had some pluming issues and told me if I ever needed one, he could recommend. He recommended Martin, who race right over. He took a look at the job, said he was doing another job but said he’d be in touch. I never heard from him again.

I went out to Angi, which I hate to do. I’ll now be swamped with emails and text messages for the next ninety days, but I need a sink. Angi provided me with two recommendations, and I contacted both to come out for a quote.

The first dude, Andy, was here within an hour. He was cute. Terrifying eye contact. He inspected the job and told me what he could do. Three strategies. The budget option was just over $200, and the premium quote was $1,200. He put the quotes on the counter and then said nothing, staring soulfully into my eyes and expecting me to choose one. He more than a little surprised and a bit “hurt” when I told him that I had another plumber coming to make a bid


The second plumber just came out, took a look at the job and explained the repairs almost exactly as Andy had. His bid was just under $700. We closed the deal on the spot. As he was completing the order, I told him the story of the previous bid, and he knew instantly who I was talking about.

I’ll have a working kitchen in 24 hours and saved $500.

Here’s the lesson:

1) Gay men aren’t stupid. Let them think you are. There’s power in wrong assumptions.

2) Gay men aren’t impressed by fluttering eyelashes, particularly when there’s cold, hard cash involved. Bonus lesson – old gay men, like me have not only seen it all, we invented some it.

3) This particular gay man has worked with salespeople for more than twenty years, up to and including hiring and firing them. I have worked with world-class salespeople, and even with them I can smell a pitch a hundred miles away. I really like salespeople. I really hate sales pitches.

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